Friday, May 05, 2006

As a rendition of the bestseller by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, “The Mistress of Spices” is a bitter disappointment.

To begin with, it is a foregone conclusion that any movie in which Aishwarya Rai has the pivotal role is bound to bomb at the box office. In addition, the intricate detail which makes the book so enthralling is totally absent from the movie, making it seem incomplete to those who have been fortunate enough to read the book, and thoroughly confusing to those who haven’t.

At the very beginning of her novel, Chitra Divakaruni describes India as a "land of ardent poetry and aquamarine feathers." That brief phrase sums up the dichotomy of fantasy and reality that makes up the book, that is lost in the translation into the cinematic medium.

The plot of the movie completely deviates from the original storyline of the book, beginning from the intrinsic fact that the lead character Tilottama is a young woman forced by the rules of her profession into masquerading as an old and bent creature, which Aishwarya is most definitely not, and makes no pretense of being. The very essence of the tale is lost by this omission, because it is from this basic premise that the story of the illegitimate love between the wild foreigner Raven, with a haunting past that he is unable to escape from, and Tilottama, the mistress of spices, trapped in a guise that ill suffices to curb her youthful desires, but confined by the burden of her duties and her allegiance to the spices to the depths of her store, arises.

Shampati’s fire, the mystical fire that transports the mistresses to their destinies, and recalls them when they ‘upset the delicate axis of giving and receiving on which [the mistresses’] lives are held precarious’, brought into existence by the fury of the red chillies, which bring destruction upon themselves and all around them when crossed, is integral to the story because it is symbolic both of the strong undercurrent of retribution that runs through the entire story, and, inspired by the mythical bird of Shampati from the Ramayana which rises phoenix like from the ashes, of the impending rebirth of Tilo. Though present in the movie in the form of the warnings of the crackling red chillies, this concept is hardly explained, and so thoroughly baffles the uninitiated.


Overall, this is the worst book to movie translation I have ever seen. Gurinder Chadda and her husband really ought to stay away from screenplay writing because they’re truly incompetent at it. To give them some credit, the movie is very appealing to the eye, but in the attempt to maintain this appearance, they have simply made it a regular hotch potch of scenes that would be most colourful when potrayed. And its high time Aishwarya Rai either quits acting, or comes up with something other than this wide eyed, simpering, shrinking violet pose which is the only type of acting she seems capable of.

My recommendation – DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!

Thursday, May 04, 2006



It's titled "Mera No 1". And people still drink it. Ugh!

Remember the Friends episode where Phobe finds a dismembered thumb in her soda can, and the soda people give her seven thousand dollars to keep her quiet? Did any of you think "this is so not happening in real life"? Well think again.

Just as the last embers of the pesticide controversy flickered and died out, and soft drink corporations thought they could breathe easy again, a man has come forth with a claim that he found a condom in a bottle of Pepsi!

Sudesh Sharma, from Ujhani village near New Delhi, bought two bottles of Pepsi from a retail shop near Kashmere Gate in the Capital in 2003. After drinking from one of the bottles, he was afflicted by severe dyspepsia and a headache, followed by insomnia. On inspecting the bottle from which he had drunk, Sharma found dirt and other contaminants inside it. The condom was found in the other unopened bottle of Pepsi.


But this is where the similarities between the two stories end. When summoned to court, Pepsi refused to accept responsibility, and maintains that the bottles may have contained spurious products illegally marketed under its brand name. However, the local consumer court deemed this a lame excuse, and has slapped a fine of Rs 1 lakh and an additional Rs 20,000 as compensation by way of damages and a sum of Rs 3,000 as cost of litigation to the complainant.

Perhaps Pepsi is now considering changing their jingle to

"Oye Bubbly
Oye oye bubbly
Don't get pregnant bubbly"

:-D